33 - Despair

Burning despair grasps me in its gauntlet.
I feel its icy touch, the harsh metal,
Segmented like truth, bites me and nought but
petrified whisper can my lips settle.
I can not even shiver anymore,
That life, that warmth is drained from me wholly.
All I can do is peer through its evil form,
Lie to its gaze, fruitlessly, it knows me.
It squeezes me, I feel my eyes bulge out
Onto my cheekbones before I can shout.

Let this be my end, free me from this life.
I’m not sour, angry, I’m not afraid.
It’s a relief to be guided out of strife
By you. By you. By you. I’ve overstayed
My welcome anyway. I can scream so much,
But you’re all deaf to it. Blind, dumb, uncaring.
Ferry me ashore, dunk my head and touch
My forehead with ash of past unerring.
Swaddle me all in black for my rebirth,
Bury me deep, never to be unearthed.

I feel your dirt patter on my bare skin,
I’m undeserving of ebony casket.
Open face, beautiful in grey Berlin,
Bury me next to our old club, just past it.
Let me feel regret at the last second.
Like if you change your mind after you jump.
That screaming regret as gravity beckons,
Before you hit the asphalt, crash and slump.
I fucking hate you, I hate how you do this,
I fucking love you, I love to reminisce.